If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
