Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize