...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
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woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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