Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
