I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
