So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
