My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize