Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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