So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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