im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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