I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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