I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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