i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
