Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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