My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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