i just wanna soil my oats bro
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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