Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
