OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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