my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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