i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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