Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
