She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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