is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
