u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize