I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
