There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
