he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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