I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Randomize
