Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
