Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
