So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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