Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
