JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
