i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
farters have to be the big spoon...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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