All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
