I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
