Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
