I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
