just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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