so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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