I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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