Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
