Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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