I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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