Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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