I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is the high leading the old right now
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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