Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
