4 words: hood of his car
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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