FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
