Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
