well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
