so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
