i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
