I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
