Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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