I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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