Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
