Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My dick has a subreddit
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
