i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize