Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
