if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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