Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
