you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
