I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
