overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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