dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
