i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
