does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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