Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
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Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.