Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
