I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
